Just 4 Today, I’ll drink my fiber twice (once), test my blood sugar at least once after every meal (after breakfast – 118), drink 2 liters of water (about 1/3), walk 3 miles (with 3415 & an after-dinner walk I might reach 6 miles), NOT eat between meals & NOT take seconds.
The Sugar Diet
I think I’ll call it the Blood Glucose Diet — taking 6-7 tests a day (1 or 2 or 3 after every meal) really seems to keep me on track. Because I hate seeing that meter jump over 150 (which isn’t really bad after a meal. But I know that if I eat right it’ll stay under 120.) Plus the whole Blood thing sort of makes eating unattractive, doesn’t it? (I’m kidding — you’re not going to see updates on the Blood Glucose Diet. But if you’ve got Diabetes, would taking extra readings help you stay focused?)
It doesn’t have to be food related: What are you going to do today?
3 Comments
Deep Fear and Vulnerability
As many of you know, I reached my goal weight about one month ago. I maintained that weight for two weeks. But during the past two weeks, I have chosen to succumb to repeated binge attacks and quickly put on four pounds. Today I have done the psychological work of determining the reasons behind my binge attacks. The results are ugly.
Today I realized that my binge attacks perfectly coincide with the warm weather. I thought back in time. What happened two weeks ago?
Answer. I went outside wearing one pair of pants instead of two pairs of pants (as is my normal custom during the winter). And because I was not hiding my body, several construction workers “harassed” me. They meant no real harm, but on a deep psychological level, I was terrified.
I live in a crowded city, and if I do not use either fat or excessive winter clothing to hide my body, interactions of this nature will occur constantly. So far, my thin body has been hidden under winter clothes. This has felt safe to me. Only myself and my husband know of its existence. I realized today that I am far more terrified of having to be thin this summer when I cannot hide myself with multiple layers of clothing than I am of being fat.
Sometimes unwanted attention from men on the street is flattering, but sometimes it is terrifying, especially if you indicate that you wish to be alone by ignoring the behavior but the man becomes aggressive and threatening.
This is something that I will be forced to experience unless I am wearing large bulky winter clothing and an ipod turned up all the way.
But I don’t WANT to hide. I want to feel free to walk the streets in normal, weather-appropriate, non-baggy clothing. I want to feel free to listen to the sounds around me and not have to wear an ipod. I also do not want to become fat again.
I was afraid to post these insights, because some readers might be jealous and ask: why are you complaining? You obviously look good, so what is the problem? I sympathize with this because I would have thought the same thing if I was unhappy with the way I looked. I understand how you feel but that does not negate the validity of my feelings, nor does it negate the fact that others reading this blog might find comfort in my words.
My goal for now is to lose the additional four pounds, and to do the psychological work that will enable me to walk outside without fear. I am also considering owning a gun, for the times when psychological strength and sharp wit are not enough. (I once outran two rapists, but that is another story – although it possibly explains some of my fear).
That’s all for now. I welcome any comments, no matter what.
Anonymous Bombshell
Hi Bombshell — I’m not where you are yet, but I remember having this problem after my first significant weightloss.
I was used to fat’s invisibility cloak and was pretty shocked when eyes would actually focus on me. I can’t give you any good advise from back then, because I think I blew it. I kept the weight off for a pretty long time but was never really comfortable or secure about my right to look like that.
And then things started falling apart and I ate to relax.
Anyway, I can only imagine what I’d do now. And I’m wondering if dresses and skirts — sometimes long — might help during a transition period.
I don’t think you should hide in them forever, but I’m wondering if they could provide you cool-comfort for a while.
Good luck I’m rooting for you…
The power to know yourself, and view your own flaws without flinching, is the greatest power of all. Now that you have identified the fear behind your eating, you can put that fear in its place and gain control of it.
We’re rooting for ya!