Some days just dragging yourself out of bed is more than you feel like doing, isn’t it ? The idea of a day of disciplined eating and exercise is beyond comprehension on those days, and temptation seems to be everywhere.
But what if it were easy ? What if you could just turn back the clock and — voila ! The body beautiful.
Today for the first time in several months I saw someone I hadn’t seen in several years. That person had not seen me at my heaviest, and so he did not realize what I had been through over the past years, and the struggle to get where I am today. So, of course, he did not remark on my weight ! He did not, like another person this morning, ask me if I was ok. You see, some people think if your weight goes down, you must have some kind of wasting syndrome.
Well, it was weird. First time in months that a person I had known for that long hadn’t remarked on my weight loss. It was as if the whole nasty overweight thing never happened. But you know what ? I was (internally and senselessly) annoyed that this person didn’t comment on the newer me.
If wishing would make it so, would we care so much ? I think maybe in the struggle and adversity we earn something, at least in our own mind’s eye, something bigger than Brownie Points and maybe smaller than a Nobel Peace Prize– proof that we really are SOMEBODY and that we CAN do something important. We begin, with these changes in ourselves, to realize we can make other changes.
That, in changing ourselves, we realize that maybe, just maybe, we can actually help to change the world.
I don’t give a rat’s ass whether my weight loss is acknowledged by others. I genuinely don’t care whether other people notice.
I had a binge problem. It was a deeply personal problem. It was my problem. I solved it now. This doesn’t mean I am capable of changing the world.
Not trying to be a naysayer, just giving my honest opinion in order to spark discussion.
I think it depends on how a person considers exercise and work out. If you are thinking about exercising just to look better, you would probably want to be noticed. But if you are thinking about exercising because you want to stay healthy, then you wouldn’t mind if anybody notices you.
Guess I was thinking more in line with an acknowledgement of the real struggle that many of us face in trying to get to a healthy weight. Don’t most of us want it to be recognized that we are fighting the good fight, and winning ?
Losing weight is definitely a genuine struggle. That having been said, in losing weight, I don’t consider myself to have done anything that is noble or noteworthy.
If someone is going to compliment me on something, I’d rather it be on one of my intellectual accomplishments.
Even then, I tend not to desire compliments unless they are from a professional in my field who is more accomplished than I am.
If I were to get annoyed every time somebody neglected to compliment me, then my internal emotional weather would be subject to the petty whims of hundreds of other people.
I am not pretending that I don’t care about looking good naked. I do. So I might care, for example, if my husband didn’t notice my weight loss.
But since I relate to most other people in an intellectual way rather than in a physical way, I don’t hold them responsible for noticing my weight. Many people are unobservant. Some people tend to only look at other’s faces when communicating. Some people might never notice if you put on or take off a huge amount of weight.
Other people may be observant, but they may have other motivations for not complimenting you – such as jealousy, or genuine worry that a compliment might be offensive. Therefore, it doesn’t make sense to me to care about having my weight loss be acknowledged by others.
Notice I said I was “internally and senselessly annoyed”– in other words, I know it was irrational of me. Nonetheless, it seems to me most of us want some form of recognition.
Not kissing up or some other negative motive for mentioning one’s progress, and understanding that some people are jealous, or unobservant, or reticent for whatever reason, or wouldn’t compliment you if you DID win the Nobel Peace prize– simply that it tends to be the case that most of us want some recognition when we accomplish any difficult task. And that certainly includes weight loss.
If you are fortunate enough not to need validation or affirmation, a real self-starter and self-sustainer, that’s great. Unfortunately, I’m not wired that way, and I know it doesn’t necessarily make a whole lot of sense.
Yeah. I know I am wired like that.
In any case, I hope the list of pragmatic reasons I gave on why someone might not give a compliment can assist anyone who is feeling down as a result of not having their struggle noticed.
The list I gave shouldn’t invalidate your post – its can act supplemental info for people who will read this later. They will know they are not alone and have a resource neutralizing their worries. Hopefully.
PS I liked your previous underwear post! Live for today!
Funny think about the underwear– last night I was cleaning out a dresser drawer where I had kept photos and collectibles, mostly, and found– NEW UNDERWEAR !
At least it might as well be new since it hasn’t been worn in who knows how long, and is in excellent condition. It’s also very nice underwear that I totally forgot I bought, and have no idea how old it is !
Hi Everyone — How fun to come back from a couple of days away and find such a lively discussion!
Catdog thank you so much for your post — you always get me thinking — I love your posts
(and Bombshell, could you send me your email -katiebird@gmail.com- so you can post updates when you want?)
I think I’m a bit more on the Bombshell side of the noticing story — except that like Catdog I’ve got a secret prefrence — mine is that they just don’t notice or partcularly think about my looks at all.
That feeling goes way back to before I ever had a weight problem. I’ve never been interested in comments about my looks.
katiebird ! Wondered where you had wandered off to…. How goes it ?
Hi catdog,
It’s not going very well. I swear I’ve got back on track as far as my eating habits & walking — and I’m still gaining about a pound a week!
I’m going to have to start closely counting calories because I’m obviously underestimating something somewhere.
And I’ll try to post something in a little bit (I’m still coffeeless for the day)
xxoo